My father was an alcoholic. I didn’t quite recognize that there was something different about him until later. I knew he fought with my mother often and yelled frequently, but I didn’t realize it was a phenomenon called alcoholism until later in my life. I thought it was just a “short temper,” but it was something more sinister.

Is alcoholism a disease, personal choice, or a manifestation of weakness? I am not here to label alcoholism one way or the other. This is rather a personal story of my family and my relationship with him.

What Made Him Who He Was

He told me he was always hungry as a child. When WWII was over, Japan lost its colonies such as Korea, Manchuria, and Taiwan. This meant a lot of Japanese people came back to the main island. Additionally, Japanese farm production declined during WWII because many farm hands were sent to the frontline. This resulted in a mass food shortage after the war. He hated squash and sweet potato because that is all he could eat when he was a child. He was a short man, probably due to malnutrition at a young age. That early memory of hunger seems to have left a long-lasting impression on his character. Because he was greedy and complained about the food all the time. In hindsight, being a cooking professional, my mother made healthy and tasty food, but my father kept complaining, especially when he was drunk.

Episodes

I do not know when my father’s drinking issue manifested, but as far as I remember, he loved drinking and drank often. Also, his worst parts came out when he was drunk. I have many episodes of him being intoxicated.

I was often afraid of him coming home because we were not quite sure what triggered his anger. He might be upset about the dinner my mother made and would throw food against the wall. He would yell something like, “You know I do not like this item. We have been married for X years, and you still do not understand that?”

When my father came home and my mother was talking to her friend on the phone, he would yell at her, “Why are you wasting time talking again?” I am sure all of her friends knew about my father’s drinking issue as well.

I remember one weekend when my mother was out traveling. She usually cooked meals ahead of time and kept them in the refrigerator for us. I was heating up the food for the family so that my younger brother and father could eat. Then my father saw that I had served my brother and me, and he became very upset and yelled at me, “Where is mine? Did you guys take it all?” I told him there was still a portion for him, and I remembered how his raw fury would be directed at us without any discrimination.

Fear of Becoming My Own Father

Today, as I work from home, I tend to cook dinner for the family because my wife Hena is not so fond of cooking. There are days when she just complains about the dinner, not once, but several times. One night, that upset me so much that I remember I told them, “I do not want to deal with you (my family)” and left for the basement. A few weeks earlier, I was upset and threw a coffee pot into the kitchen sink and broke it. I detested the fact that I was behaving like my own father, and from then on, I decided that I would remove myself from my family if they annoy me, rather than losing my calm.

I can see that I am half my own father, with identical Y chromosomes, with some of his temper and character inherited.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE MY FATHER. It is something I really want to avoid. I do not want my own children to feel the same misery and sadness, nor my wife, although I am sure my wife would leave me if I were an alcoholic, and I support that decision. No one needs to be married to an alcoholic and experience misery. I was often very sad, and I had nightmares often. There were many moments when I thought of cutting myself with craft knives. Well, I did not because it was not a very appealing choice, and I eventually found a way to separate my life from his.

It is 10 PM at LGA airport, at the Delta Club. I had a glass of whiskey, and while I know I CAN enjoy another glass if I want, I will not. It is perhaps a gift from my father, seeing him made me realize the danger of habitual drinking, and how it can cause long-term impact to your brain and develop an aggressive personality. In later years, my father had trouble walking and he often slipped and hit his head. That eventually caused his death because a blood vessel in his head ruptured and killed him.